Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
