I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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