This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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