Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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