I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
