Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
