Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
