And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
