Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
