I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
