Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
