Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
