ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
