There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
