Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
