Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
