I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize