Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
