her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
