My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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