Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
