The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
