So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
