u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
