hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Girls should come with a carfax report
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize