guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
