a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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