This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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