My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
