I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
