I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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