I wish life had little blips of pornography
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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