You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
