i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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