how hairy? two words: wookie tits
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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