Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
