I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
