I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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