Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
