Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I didn't notice because vodka
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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