Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
