We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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