i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
