u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
