glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize