Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
