youre lurking in front of me
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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