My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
