Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
