I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
