After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
