You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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