would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i black out too much to be "responsible"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
