can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
