im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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