You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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