he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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