I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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