im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
