Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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