I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
