Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
