youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
