btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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