New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize