My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
