apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
